Rahm Emanuel

THE SCENE: It's 3:00 (in the afternoon) at the White House. Fresh from his second workout (and fourth cigarette) of the day, an energized PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA sits in his private quarters with his Chief of Staff and closest confidant, RAHM (RahmBo) EMANUEL. The room has been overdecorated, butofcourse, in Louis XIV WannaBe.

As the lights come up, OBAMA and RAHMBO are relaxing and chatting in overstuffed, purple velvet chairs with  gold braid around the edges. It's time for their daily chore of listening and responding to OBAMA's messages on the Red Phone, which is so tricked out, it would look right at home on the bridge of The Enterprise.

OBAMA (with his trademark grin): Well, Rahmbo, are ya ready? Today's messages should be great.

RAHMBO: Fuckin' A! Can't wait to see how your "Balls of Steel" national security speech went over.

(RAHMBO hits "Play". The phone beeps and begins playing back the messages.)

RED PHONE (in mechanical male voice): Message One. From: Richard Cheney.

Our bought media has taken great pains to point out similarities between the Great Depression and    our current economic situation, so it can sell Obama as another FDR since its Lincoln and Kennedy comparisons were often met with derision. I find the spin bothersome and believe we need to get a collective grip on reality. As tough as the times are today, they do not compare to 1933 in some very significant ways. When Roosevelt took office, the unemployment rate was 25%, the banking system    had collapsed (every bank in the country was ordered closed), and there were large shanty towns built   by the homeless in public parks and under bridges all around the country. 

Oy, such changety-hopety-change! You shouldn't know from it!